Video of the Day: Freddie Gibbs “Thuggin”

Remember when hip hop was “the CNN of the streets”? If you were born in 1990 or something you probably don’t, but there was a time in the history of rap music that being an MC meant that you were relating the struggles of those who were struggling in the inner city rather than detailing just how impossibly different you were (and yes, I’m talking to you Jay-Z and Kanye). This video is the closest I’ve seen to anything even moderately approaching the CNN of the streets.

What’s strange about Freddie Gibbs is he’s clung to his gangsta persona despite the fact that it’s probably cost him millions and millions of dollars. Back in the day, not being gangsta was what would have cost you. Today, if you aren’t hyper-materialistic and throwing money everywhere you really can’t get on in the rap game. It’s been a strange paradigm shift in hip hop. Somehow rapping about shooting and killing isn’t popular anymore, unless it’s directly related to drug trafficking, and even then only if it is directly related to what a baller you are and how many hoes you pull.

There have been a lot of reactions to the video saying that it glorifies violence and encourages illicit behavior, etc., ad nausem, but what the video really depicts is a way of life – street life – that we no longer see in rap music. Today rappers claim they all came from the street, but the object of every video and every song on mainstream radio seems to be to glorify moving away from that lifestyle and into one obsessed with the glorification and glamorization of unbridled capitalism.

One could suppose that such a lifestyle is preferable to the lifestyle depicted in “Thuggin,” but the unlike what every other rapper is talking about (and making videos about) Freddie Gibbs isn’t trying to be aspirational. He’s not rapping (and making videos) about where he is, but where he came from. He’s making songs and videos that relate to a life that people actually live, rather than a fantasy created by record executives and European car rentals.

I was reminded of this video when Gibbs’ latest video for “Shame” with Madlib dropped earlier this month. “Thuggin” is just such a simple, beautiful and brilliant video that it just had to be shared first, though.

I’m With Ocho

I can’t help but feel bad for Chad Johnson. There has been a lot of grandstanding and soapbox getting-on-top-of from professional friends of mine about how domestic violence is always wrong and it’s never the woman’s fault, etc. I understand all that, but I really can’t feel anything but sympathetic for the former Ochocinco.

First, we know what kind of people we’re dealing with here. Evelyn has done three seasons of “Basketball Wives” and we’ve seen Chad on (almost) two seasons of “Hard Knocks” and that terrible “Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch” show. If you’ve watched or heard anything about those shows it’s not hard to get an idea of the two personalities in question. One is a violent hothead who regularly tried and succeeded in assaulting co-stars with her fists, her feet, her purse, bottles of wine and just about anything else she could get her hands on at the time. The other is a mild-mannered prankster who has four kids and has never so much as threatened to harm anyone. So when we (and I’m using the royal ‘we’ here) hear that the mild-mannered prankster head-butted the violent hothead while driving, naturally we think something may be amiss.

Certainly, not everything you see on reality TV is, in fact, reality, but for better or for worse both of these people have cemented in the mind of the public who they are. It’s almost impossible to divorce their public selves from their private selves, especially since the aggrieved party has made the lion’s share of her living essentially playing herself.

Now Chad has been cut from his hometown team, the Miami Dolphins, and will probably not be picked up by another team in the near future, and Evelyn has gone public to let people know that they need to “stop blaming her.”

I blame her. I know it’s not PC, but I do. I don’t know what happened in the car that day, but I know what happened in the car that day. Evelyn got mad about the condoms, Chad tried to explain, Evelyn got in his face (the way women do when they get hysterically angry), Chad told her to get out of his face (because he was operating a fucking motor vehicle), Evelyn wouldn’t get out of his face, she kept threatening him and he head-butted her.

A smarter, more thoughtful, insightful and in-control man would have pulled the car over, gotten out and tried to distance himself from the situation. Chad is obviously not that man. More importantly, though, is that unlike a lot of professional athletes who assault their spouses, Chad doesn’t seem to fit the profile of the classic abuser.

I wrote a post about it a while back in reference to Chris Brown. Typically one who abuses his spouse displays signs of psychosis and a lack of emotional control or stability, i.e., Chris Brown. Chad just seems like a guy who made a mistake. What most people don’t realize about domestic abuse is it is generally a pattern of behavior, not an individual act. Most people either never hit a woman or constant hit women. There’s not a lot of in between. Chad’s case seems like the rare exception.

He lost his head for all of a couple seconds (I’m assuming, because all parties involved have said he head-butted her once) and now he’s lost his contract with the Dolphins, his reality show and maybe his future. I just can’t see how this is fair at all. What he did wasn’t OK and he should face consequences, but this all just seems like too much.

Chad has never been in trouble with the law, he’s never had issues with his teammates, he doesn’t even drink. He’s a personality and he may go over the top with his “antics” on occasion, but at no point has it hurt his team, his teammates or the people in his life. Until now.

So, one strike and he’s out? Secretly, I’m sure coach Joe Philbin wanted him off the team from the start of the season. Philbin seems like one of those old school guys who judges a player without really getting to know him and wants everyone to play hard and shut up. That’s understandable. But it’s still not fair.

I just hope no one in the NFL pretends to have a conscience about this sort of thing, because every team in the league is about winning games and nothing more. Dante Stallworth fucking killed a man and he got signed to a team as soon as he got out of prison.

I just hope some other team gives Chad a shot. He’s still one of my favorite players. He lost his head for a moment and made a terrible mistake. It doesn’t make him a terrible person. Love makes you do crazy shit and sometimes that shit fucks everything else in your life up pretty good.

Hottest Women in London – The Lothario All-Olympic SheCouldGetIt Team

The explosion and preponderance of hot female Olympians has been one of our favorite things about this year’s games. More than just ogling pretty girls, having attractive female Olympians speaks to the new normal of female athletics. Women who competed in sports used to all be homely lesbians, but now pretty sorority girls compete and they win. It’s exciting to watch.

That said, putting together our all-Olympic team was tough this year. As much Olympic coverage as we watched (way more than you), we’re still not sure we found all the talent out there. Since handball and beach volleyball were our two surprise favorites of the games, we’ve decided to make the all-Olympics SheCouldGetIt team a handball team (because handball has seven players and seven subs, which allows me more flexibility than beach volleyball, which has two players and zero subs).

SIDE NOTE: After watching women’s handball, it seemed like the men’s version would be better. It’s like a glorious mix of basketball and lacrosse so naturally we assumed that bigger, faster, more coordinated men would be more exciting to watch.  That’s not the case. Women’s handball is way more fun to watch and not just because there are some cute girls on most teams (none go beyond, though). The women are smaller so their game flows more smoothly. The men are too big and bulky and it slows things down and makes the movements awkward. I digress.

We’re very proud of our all-Olympic SheCouldGetItTeam. The starters are two tennis players and two beach volleyball players, along with a runner, a basketball player and a girl who throws things. The US is well represented (because we have the hottest women), but Europe, South America and Asia also make the list.

We would like it noted that these are all Olympians we spotted while watching the games, not girls we picked off of some “Hottest Olympians” list online. Also, full disclosure, we may be going through a blond phase right now.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the starters:

Sabine Lisicki (Germany, tennis) Hot, thick, blond and German. You’ve got to wonder what kind of guys she’s into. Are German men intimidated by her thickness? Can they handle it?

Angelique Kerber (Germany, tennis) – Also hot, thick, blond and German. She’s Lasicki’s doubles partner on the German tennis team. Their chemistry really gives the team a kick.

Lolo Jones (United States, track and field) – She’s taken a lot of heat for getting a bunch of endorsements and then sucking in the actual Olympics. Those mean reporters even made her cry. But here’s the thing, it’s not her fault she’s hot and it’s not her fault that people want to give her money. To be great at anything, especially individual athletics, you have to have an irrational belief that you are the best. If you’re on that short list of demonstrable greatness, and fourth place in the fucking Olympics puts you in that echelon, you have every right to accept money and advertising from companies who want you to be the face of their brand representing Olympic greatness. That is to say that of course Lolo Jones thought she was going to win gold. Track and field reporters and enthusiasts knew she wasn’t going to win gold, but to be great you have to ignore all those people. People should really lighten up on the poor girl. And she’s funny.

Leryn Franco (Paraguay, track and field) – This is our team’s go-to player and MVP. She’s also a model, so she’s professionally good looking. Unfortunately, she’s not really very good at her actual sport. She didn’t even make the finals and ultimately finished 34^th at the javelin this year.

Marketa Slukova (Czech Republic, beach volleyball) – A friend once referenced a girl and said, “That’s how all women should look.” Beach volleyball players are how all women should look. They’re tall, toned and actually vary in shape quite a bit. Some are skinny like Kerri Walsh and others are round (not thick or fat, but round) like Marta Menegatti (who is also on our list), but they’re all really fun to look at when they play. That’s probably why this list has more beach volleyball players than any other sport.

Candace Parker (US, basketball) – Candace is the Beyonce of female athletes. She’s so unquestionably hot that sometimes you forget how hot she is. And also she’s married to Sheldon Williams, which no one really understands. It’d be like if Beyonce was married to Ja Rule or something.

Xue Chen (China, beach volleyball) – Who would have thought that China would produce one of the hottest beach volleyball players in this year’s Olympics? Beach volleyball players have to be tall and athletic and female, three things the Chinese are not really known to be.

Bench:

Catalina Ponor (Romania, gymnastics) – The only gymnast on the team and our 8-man off the bench (like a sixth man in the NBA). She’s pretty much the only gymnast of age outside from that old lady from the Ukraine who is like 40. It was nice to have a gymnast to crush on now that most Olympians are 14-year-old girls with tiny legs and impossibly huge shoulders.

Alex Morgan (US, soccer) – Don’t understand all the Hope Solo hype. Just don’t. Alex Morgan is so much hotter.

Liu Hong (China, race walking) – She makes race walking watchable.

Kim Glass (US, volleyball) – We weren’t actually fans until this photo shoot.

Alyson Felix (US, track and field) – Alyson looks like a really sweet girl. There was so much talent in this year’s Olympics her teammate Sandra Richards-Ross didn’t make the cut. She’s hot too.

Stephanie Rice (Australia, swimming) – This photo got her on the list. The fact that she put it on Twitter merited her starter contention.

Louise Hazel (Britain, track and field) – Louise and Stephanie Rice illustrate an ideal that we never thought was possible, that excessively muscular women can be sexy. It’s the new normal. Somehow despite a rippling six-pack, she’s still got a feminine body. She’s also gorgeous.

Honorable mention:

Becky Hammon (Russia, basketball)

Christina Vukicevic (Norway, track and field)

Jessica Ennis (Britain, track and field)

Beatriz Fernandez (Spain, handball)

Marta Menegatti (Italy, beach volleyball)

Ida Alstad (Norway, handball)

Jaque (Brazil, volleyball)

Video of the Day: Faith Evans “I Love You”

Faith Evans is apparently part of some new awful reality TV show that’s going to “uplift and encourage” black women on TV One (the words are actually ours and not hers, so it doesn’t actually make sense to put them in quotes, but go with it). That reminded us of how insanely, stupidly hot this stupid video from 2002 was.

This is an amazing video. It’s possibly one of the best ever made (in my humble opinion), and its massive success as a video calls to mind one question: was the video always designed to center completely around Faith’s spectacular tits or did they initially set up a shoot in some faux Japanese geisha house with Faith and some shirtless guy walking around in the fake snow and making tea, and realize that unless faith upped the wet dream fodder they were going to have nothing?

If it was the former (all about Faith’s tits to begin with) how did they pitch it to her? “Faith, your new album isn’t really getting that much buzz and your single isn’t that good, but if you show off those massive jugs for four minutes I think we can get this thing in high rotation on MTV!” Or did they just lure her to the set and offer nothing but low-cut satin dresses available for her to choose from?

Questions like these always come to mind when I see images that are blatantly and unrepentantly dirty like this (and I mean that in a good way). Like the wet t-shirt photos Kate Upton took. Did the photographer somehow convince her it would be artistic? I’m just under the impression that you can’t sell women on the idea of dressing like prostitutes on its face in something that’s intended for mass consumption. But maybe I’m wrong.

If it was the latter (a terrible video concept saved by the presence of Faith’s beautiful bosom) did Faith just show up on set in the dress or was there some crafty marketing agent lying around who talked her into it? These are the questions we would ask Faith if we got to interview her. Sure, we’d never get to interview her again, but the cost/benefit on that one – if she actually answered – would totally be worth it.

Either way, this is one of the all-time boner jam videos that you can watch over and over and not be called a pervert.

Video of the Day: The Offspring “Cruising California (Bumpin’ In My Trunk)”

This song is admittedly kind of terrible, but whatever maybe the kids will like it. This is what they’re listening to these days, right?

Also, apologies for the delay between Videos of the Day. We should probably start calling this Video of the Week or something. Or we could just make more of an effort to update the blog. One or the other will almost certainly happen.

I’ve been listening to the album on Spotify and I can unequivocally say that it’s much better (and much less pop) than this song might intimate. The Offspring have always made pop-y jams that everyone sang without really knowing who the band was (“Pretty Fly For a White Guy,” “Come Out and Play,” “Kristy are You Doing OK?,” “Self Esteem,” “Why Don’t You Get a job” to name more than a few). But this one easily takes the cake as their most unrepentantly desperate attempt for a pop hit. I guess when you get old it gets harder to say no to certain things and easier to risk alienating your fan base. They have, after all, supplied us with the good shit for about 20 years now.

The video, in typical Offspring style, is nothing special. Like the song, it’s an ode to summer time in the OC where the band is from. Despite the serious failings with this song, the album is actually really good. It’s nice to like something from a band you grew up worshiping. The new Garbage album is positively fucking terrible.

Video of the Day: OK Go “You’re So Damn Hot”

This video is actually lazy and pretty unoriginal. It’s just recycled tour footage of the band singing the song with a bunch of gay flowers popping up for no reason in particular. The song, itself, however, is divine. It’s brilliant in that in a completely nonscientific way it totally explains how the male mind operates.

It’s a song about a girl who’s a liar and a cheater and from the sound of things is flat-out mean. But the lead singer can’t break up with her, in fact, he’s completely infatuated with her because, well, she’s “so damn hot.” This is the ethos of man in a two minute, 38 second soundbyte.

OK Go – You’re So Damn Hot from OK Go on Vimeo.

Casual fans of OK Go know them from their Youtube single-take video exploits on treadmills or more recently driving through a musical concourse that plays their new single. But back before internet fame, these guys were just a cool band that made funny songs that were hauntingly honest. Your girlfriend liked them because she didn’t really listen to the lyrics and they were clever.

It seems like with the creativity ante upped for the videos, the songs have lost a bit of panache, but I guess you can’t have it all.

Video of the Day: Kanye West and Jay-Z “No Church in the Wild”

Admittedly, we’re a little late with this one, but there’s been so little talk about the video that maybe a Video of the Day co-sign from Lothario Magazine will be just the push these two (not-so) young men need to really get their careers rolling. This video is interesting for one big reason: it’s an allegedly Illuminati song with a decidedly anti-Illuminati, anti-establishment video. The video ends with a wild elephant rearing up on its hind legs in the middle of the street. There’s little in the world more anti-establishment and counter to the system of rules and law and order than a wild elephant roaming the streets, right?

Aside from all the idiots on your facebook timeline who are absolutely certain that Jay and Ye have been riding with the Illuminati for years, few people actually pay much attention to Jay-Z’s lyrics, which is sad, because this song is one of his deepest and most intellectually complex. There are references to Plato, Socrates, Pope Pious (though he never quite specifies which Pope Pious), Plato’s Euthyphro, the Holy trinity and much, much more.

What’s even more impressive is how it perfectly lays the backdrop for director Romain Garvas’ video. The song is such a beautifully smooth confluence of subdued, bass-driven music that it’s somehow perfectly contrapuntal to the video. It doesn’t seem like it should work, but it does. You like how I threw in a bunch of completely unnecessary big music school words there? Yeah, you do.

 

What’s also great about the video is how deep Jay’s lyrics go and well they relate to the video – in a very subtle way. Check out this analysis from RapGenius. It’s also interesting because of the London riots that happened last year. Even though the video was shot in the Czech Republic, it’s eerily representative of the idea that a large enough group of people, well enough armed and who are undeurred by the brutality of the police, can unleash anarchy successfully.

If the Illuminati are controlling everything Mr. West and Mr. Carter do, I’m not sure how they got away with this one.

Also, if you’re interested in following this whole stupid (yes, it’s stupid) Jay-Z, Kanye West are in the Illuminati thing there are some good resources here and here

The 10 Reasons I Won’t Date You: The 8 Things I Learned During Four Weeks of Abstention From Fast Food and Booze

1.       Not drinking sucks.

I’ve heard people say they’ve gone through similar fasts, detoxes, cleansing efforts and not wanted to go back. Fuck that. I’m going back immediately. I will never in my life understand the freaks who have full access to booze and unlimited junk food and voluntarily neglect it on a permanent basis. That sort of lifestyle should be classified as insanity. Alcohol makes life so much better. I am so much more appreciative of both fast food an alcohol now that I’ve undergone this ordeal.

2.       No one takes you seriously when you say you’re not drinking.

I’m not sure whether someone dieting and not drinking makes others feel self conscious about the fact that they are making unhealthy living choices, but during this four-week period I was routinely and regularly asked by multiple people who knew I was on booze and fast food sabbatical if I wanted to join them for booze and/or fast food. If you know someone is attempting to not partake in certain things, why would you consistently ask them if they’d like to partake in said things? Again, I really don’t know if it’s a statement about how seldom people mean what they say or what, but it was like no one believed that I actually meant it when I told them I wasn’t drinking or eating fast food. That was probably the strangest part.

3.       Fast food is fucking disgusting.

Not eating it gives you a chance to actually step back and examine what you’re putting into your body. This shit should really not be consumed by human beings. That said, it is also delicious and cheap and I am happy to welcome it back into my life.

Continued at The10ReasonsIWontDateYou.tumblr.com

The 10 Reasons I Won’t Date You: And That’s Why I Won’t Buy You a Drink

Generally speaking I have a rule about buying women drinks – I don’t do it. This isn’t a hard and fast rule like my rule about not dating and it’s actually one that I’ve broken on several occasions, but it is still a rule (in the loosest sense of the word).

Here are the basic caveats for buying girls drinks. I will buy you a drink if you’re my friend and just happen to be female or if you’ve done something particularly impressive like beat me in an Irish car bomb chugging competition. I will also buy you a drink if I’ve asked you out for drinks in lieu of going to dinner or on some other stupid date like the fucking movies. I will also buy you a drink if you’ve done something particularly nice or deserving of a drink (like bought me a drink at a previous time).

Drinks are different from buying a woman dinner in that when I buy a drink I’m paying to get her intoxicated with the goal of loosening her moral rigidity and increasing my odds of getting laid. I still stop short of buying a girl multiple drinks (two is where I typically draw the line) because at that point I might as well just take her on a date.

I have this rule in place for a number of reasons.

First, I know way too many girls who have told me way too many stories about how they go out to bars and get guys to buy them drinks with no intention of doing anything other than paying them enough attention to keep the alcohol flowing. I also know way too many girls who go to bars with no money and no credit card because they just know that guys are going to show up and take care of their drinks for them. I also know way too many girls who complain about how “when a guy buys you a drink he acts like he owns you” and too many girls who have told me too many stories about too many lame guys who buy them drinks at the bar hoping to “get something.”

I refuse to be that guy.

There’s also the matter of my own self worth. How much do I really value myself if I’m willing to pay for your time in drinks? If I really have to pay for your time, I feel like I should get something in return. Continued at  The10ReasonsIWontDateYou.tumblr.com

Video of the Day: Beyonce “Countdown (Snuggie Version side-by-side)”

Normally we’re not fans of Beyonce or Snuggies or videos with people lipsynching to top40 songs. As much as it hurts our manly pride to admit it, this video is amazing. This gay little adopted Asian boy (all assumptions) made a parody that hits the original on all levels. If he did this on his own, someone should really give him a call and offer him a job editing videos or something.

The editing here is great. It’s cut about as close to the original as you could get. It also manages to be funny on a level beyond, “Aw, isn’t that cute!” which is an accomplishment in itself. We can almost promise that unless Beyonce gets totally naked in a video she won’t be making many more appearances here. But this was just too good.